It’s a pattern I see
Where I seek out a soul I can call family
Where I start questioning whom I call friends
Conclusions all seem to be the same in the end.
Loneliness, a feeling I know too well
Pinned by the thoughts
And maybe I’m not even trying anymore; to escape
The comfort of this pain
Lowers the expectations,
so I remain
Misunderstood, and that’s okay
Maybe one day I won’t have to explain
How I got to this place
who will look me in the face.
I laugh at my thoughts of suicide
I’d be damned if they see me cry,
Not that it’s weak, I just don’t have the time
These children of mine
They need to see me fine
So I draw over that Broken smile that they love so much
Keep it tough
Because complacent isn’t enough
Maybe it could be better if I disappeared
But that’s not what people wanna hear
I’m trying to be thankful, God has blessed me alot
It’s not fair if against that I fought
Blood and water are all the same, life has taught
Down the drain it swirls, leaving my stomach in knots
I can’t hold on, and drowning in silence is what I rather.
The only one who hears me, my Heavenly Father.
So I cry up at the night sky out of the mud and mire
Am I forgotten on the side like a run away tire?
Confidence a mask, so now I’m the biggest liar
Laid up at the cemetery drive
Here I measure how much I am alive
Consciously trading places with the ones who once died
For just a minute I’ll gaze up at the sky
Waving hi to the visitors who couldn’t bother when I was awake
Make note that the love I possess was never fake
So though I’ll stay,
Here brokenness and dead dreams are left behind
With a piece of art unsigned
Reiterating that I’ll be fine
This piece was put together as i felt myself battling the big sad today. Rejection isn’t an easy enemy and i was on the lines. Writing and music my only coping skill at times, I was unsure whether to post, but this blog is ours to do as we wish. So i share this not as a way to gain pity or even down anyone, but just to put words to a battle that not only i face on a daily. I believe we aren’t truly alone, but i believe there are many that may feel physically alone and must handle that battle on a daily. Questioning purpose and worth due to rejection from those you cherished dearly but I promise, you’re special, I think that’s what many don’t see. And that’s okay. A message i read on a tree alittle while ago during a hike that ive been kind of holding onto…. “WE WILL SURVIVE” and we will. I AM.