Crossed legged sitting in my room contemplating all my life choices that led to my now. All that I’ve learned and acquired through my journey so far as a sojourner. I glance over at a sign that reads, “Life is Good” that floated in my porifial.
A creeping thought ” If you love your life, you’ll lose it” slipped across my mind. A scripture I used to justify my depression and suicidal thoughts. My hate for my own life masked as zeal. Haunted by past mistakes, disappointments, and let downs. I’m okay, right!
I wasnt okay….
Today is different because I no longer believe that’s what God wants for us. It’s not what He wanted from me. To constantly put myself down, holding myself face to the ground masquerading it as self-accountability. My Father arrives at His perfect timing. Settling down beside me, He softly starts with one word. “Forgiveness”
What if:: The key to contentment is, “Forgive them for they know NOT what they do” Humans are frail and weak, bound to make mistakes, by the law of sin. I found my freedom in Christ because I have accepted this truth. Not that I won’t make mistakes or that I’m now perfect, we are free to not fear the judgement of ANYONE but Christ alone. But if I naturally expect the dark, expect that weakness and sinfulness of man, will meet me… it leaves no room for disappointment. Something I also like to think is that when I DO come across a genuinely good person which there are those out there, its even more appreciated. A true light in darkness.
So now what?
My conclusion comes from a quote that was passed down from my stepdad. “Expect the worst, but always hope for the best” Not only am I here to forgive others, I’m here to forgive myself as well. I did not know any better and I was doing the best with what I could. That’s okay, and I’m going to be okay. So are you.